Day 3/4 Blur -Somewhere in the darkness day 3 turns to day 4, maybe my 15 minutes of sleep marked the official transition to day 4, but I am unaware. I think to everyones surprise I got out of bed and outside without hesitation after my short moment of sleep.
The next section ahead was a 20 mile stretch from Brandon Gap to US 4 and Josh and Mike would be accompanying me. We headed out into the darkness, although I have no memory of it the miles shared until later into our time on the trail after daylight had emerged. With Josh and Mike sharing conversation behind me I remember I decided to get lost in some music for a while. There was some moving and grooving and I was having fun. I don't think I looked at my watch once for time or distance, and was immersed in the beautiful lush green forest that encompassed us, but then the beauty I would see would disappear and I would blank.
Photo Credit: Josh White
Apparently sleep deprivation was setting in, I was starting to nod off standing up and was not even sure that I was aware. The word of the day became VULNERABLE, which for me even on a good day is a very frightening prospect. I felt isolated and like I had lost some power and control. My world seemed to be closing in, but I did not seem aware enough to acknowledge this and my focused removed moving forward.
When we arrived at the junction of the Long Trail and the Appalachian Trail, a milestone that is typically exciting, provided a great opportunity for me to nap against the trail sign. My sleep was short lived as I was shushed along so to continue towards our next crew stop.
Photo Credit: Mike Donohue
The next section of US 4 to Upper Cold River Road was a section I had never seen before. Karen was joining me and I knew I was in good hands. It was good to catch up and hear about her own epic long days on the trails as she and others have been working on knocking off big sections of the LT. I should say it was sunny! Blue sky, black flies and poison parsnip, things were back to feeling "normal". Besides Karen having to stare down two noncompliant German Shepherds that both individually out weighed her it was smooth sailing and I was actually feel more awake and like myself.
Karen turned me over to my next pacer Phil. She gave us the run down of the next section noting one technical downhill to yield caution on. Of course it was casual until that very section she spoke of, and then a rock underfoot slid and down I went. I could hear Phil gasping and scrambling behind me as I rolled down the slope before coming to a stop. A few scrapes, but a solid reminder of how things can turn bad quickly. I was shaken for sure. Back at my crew, I filled my belly and got reloaded with gear/snacks, said goodbye to Karen, her husband Kevin and Phil and Jason was back on course.
As I was stopped daylight quickly dwindled and we turned on our torches as we headed out. A few circles around the parking lot to find the trail and head in the right direction and we were off. Things were getting less comfortable but I thought we were moving right along. Down, down, down we went until we hit a parking lot that didn't seem to have markers. "Humm, awe, ohh" we must have missed a turn so back uphill we went. The "not much further" felt like "so much further," but finally we were back on track. But wait a minute were we on track? Maps where were my maps? Why couldn't I read the signs? "Turn here, go there, keep moving..." I was so suddenly feeling so confused. I just need to orient myself to figure things out, I just needed a moment? Vulnerability was back and now stronger than before. I could not sort anything out, I could not advocate, I could try and take direction and that was about it. I feel weak because I no longer can do simple things for myself. I just couldn't figure out why it felt like we were moving in circles, why I didn't have maps or resources.
Then it hit me, Jason was trying to disorient me so he could get me to the border so I would be infected with covid-19. I knew I needed a plan and I needed sleep in order to get away from him so I attempted a somersault into a small rock depression. It was brilliant, he wouldn't see me, I could sleep and then regain control. Of course my somersault was pathetic, there was nothing stealth about it and immediately he told me to get up. I think this maneuver did help in showing my need for sleep as shortly after he allowed me to take a dirt nap. That dirt nap was followed by a few more miles and then some sleep in a shelter covered by all things that Jason had in his pack. I have no idea how long I was allowed to nap, but I do recall that when I woke up I was asked if I knew where I was. I had no idea, and didn't know whose dry clothes where keeping me warm. I feared that operation cover confusion was working! All warm covers were taken off me and packed up as it was time to move. People in the shelter looked at me oddly and I have no idea how I looked at them, but after getting upright I was pointed in the southern direction and we began moving.
Photo Credit: Jason Koop
Again one day has turned into another. I've lost track of the where's and the when's. I do know I am not on schedule, but do not really understand. I keep trying to give my best and move along but each step gets more mentally taxing as I feel like I am losing control.
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